What your RV says about you

Some RV owners are simply focussed on value for money. For them, it's the most for the least: leaf springs rather than independent suspension, simple fittings and furnishings ­and a traditional layout with no fancy colours, to aid resale values.

Then there are the ‘wannabees’ who crave the spotlight. Not for them a subtle white caravan: red, purple, blue, or even sinister black cladding makes them stand out in any crowd, along with glitzy alloy wheels, front and rear spotlights and as much LED 'mood' lighting that can be crammed inside.

Others see their RV as a mobile statement of their success and taste; they want the latest and greatest lithium battery tech, solar and gadgets, and in-your-face macho 4WD up front.

So what does your RV rig say about you?

From our industry experience and in-depth analysis (talking nonsense in the office mostly), we’ve looked at a range of RV types and figured out what the style of RV in each case says about its owner.

Yes, we might be guilty of stereotyping, but we should all have a laugh at ourselves from time to time. If you take offence, then we’re guessing you own something like this...

‘Plain wrap’ caravan or pop-top

Typical examples: ‘expander’ or factory-direct ‘stick ‘n tin’ 'van..

If you’re one of the sensible, value-for-money caravan group, you may have plenty of money, but it’s most likely tied up in sensible investments, like bonds or your superannuation and not to be trickled away on travel.

You will already have pre-planned your next holiday; booked your sites well ahead to ensure you don’t miss your chosen spot and you’ll have a conservative travel schedule that sensibly won’t pack too many kilometres into a day, and will allow plenty of recommended rest breaks.

You’ll arrive early at your site by mid-afternoon with plenty of daylight to spare, so you can be fully set up to enjoy a shandy or a sav blanc, with your Savoy crackers, chunks of processed cheddar and chopped cabana under your awning with your neighbours at precisely 5pm… all while observing the efforts of ‘newbies’ trying to reverse onto their site with smug satisfaction and helpful unsolicited advice.

Then, as the sun dips down, you’ll retreat to your ‘van, turn on the TV and enjoy ‘Dancing with the Stars’, happily oblivious to the millions of distant ones twinkling above.

The next morning will see you out early, washing or cleaning your van, before trundling off to empty the toilet cassette and then carrying a basket to the laundry. You’ll do this every year, rarely leave the bitumen and have a really good time.

What your plain wrap 'van says about you: Owning the cheapest caravan in the park is not a badge of honour, but if you do, you probably don’t care what others think anyway.

Latest fashion caravan

Examples: checker plated ‘full off road’, toy hauler or slide-out ‘van…

The antithesis of the sensible travellers are those in their full armor plate, multi-coloured caravans whose mission is to be noticed and imagine they are universally envied.

They’ll bask unflinchingly in the stares as they arrive, fashionably late in their bright gloss-panelled caravan behind its over-endowed tow car, as they are clearly cut from different cloth.

They will set up prominently near the facilities where everyone passes and play 1980s Oz-rock classics fashionably loud, while making everyone jealous by laughing loudly as they BBQ large prawns outside on their Weber.

Then they will go inside, eat the same food as their quieter neighbours and also enjoy ‘Dancing with the Stars’.

What your latest fashion van says about you: I'm loud, proud and don't take sh*t from anyone!

Bigger is better RV

Examples: triple axle or double slide-out 'vans...

We’ll call these the ‘Silent Snobs’, whose mission is convince everyone that they enhance the caravan park simply with their presence. So their rig is large, expensive and is parked in a prime position.

Usually it’s an off-road van that implies they're simply slumming it in a caravan park in between their amazing adventures. Funny how it’s so clean though?!

Their up-market tow car and caravan are equipped to go anywhere, but rarely do, except in the tales they tell their stay-at-home friends. 

If you travel off the beaten track, you may find them bogged and embarrassed, with a snatch-strap in hand on a sandy beach, or stuck in the middle of a muddy track.

The problem for many who seek this lifestyle, is that by the time you can afford all the best stuff, your youthful abandon has deserted you, so you’ll appreciate the real cost that a fast-rising high tide, or a tight, rocky track can inflict and you’ll willingly wave the battered LandCruiser with its cheap imported camper through…

Some of these ‘Snobs’ would rather be relaxing on the Rivera, or moored at Monaco, but have had to resort to a holiday at home during COVID-19 times.

What your bigger is better RV says about you: I'm an off-road caravanner this year, but who knows what next?

Cheap canvas camper

Examples: forward-fold, side-fold, rear fold, bi-fold, etc campers...

By a gross generalisation, the more canvas you display, the more relaxed you are about your lifestyle and travels.

Alternatively, you may be a traditionalist who believes that the only real camping is under canvas. We know someone who believes this and is currently freezing in sub-zero country Queensland inside a canvas-walled wind-up camper!

If your tent trailer was based on price and you’re a tradie, or just like visiting Bunnings on week-ends, your tow car will be a crew-cab ute and you won’t be too traumatised by a bit of dust blowing through it, or the odd dingo prowling outside.

If you’re upgrading from a tent, and purchasing a cheap Chinese-made soft-floor camper because they’re packed full of the features that are called ‘options’ on their locally-built equivalents, you’re more likely to be under 40 with kids and live in the ‘burbs.

Your coffee will most likely be granulated and spooned out of a jar; your steaks will come in plastic trays from the meat section of Aldi and your bread will be probably white (because the kids prefer it) rather than wholegrain...

What your canvas camper says about you: I'm a knockabout sort of person, happy to change plans at a moment’s notice and more practical than tidy.

Upmarket hybrid camper

If you own a locally-built, premium price ‘hybrid’, you’re probably of a slightly older demographic – with partners whose idea of camping doesn’t include living ‘on the ground’ because of the other creatures they have to share it with, and would prefer to get under cover once you stop for the night, rather than wrestle with canvas.

If you have one of the more expensive ‘cutting edge’ hybrid campers, you probably also have a MacBook, an iWatch, a good coffee maker and you choose your meat cuts from a butcher rather than pre-packaged from a supermarket shelf.

How far would you take it and your upmarket 4x4 tow car into the bush? Maybe a little further than your partner will let you, but your portable, or in-van toilet is the trump card that will get you further than the shared facilities of a caravan park.

What your upmarket hybrid camper says about you? I'd prefer to spend a bit more to ensure stress-free Outback touring than get my hands dirty doing on-the-road repairs.

‘Don’t leave home without it’ caravan

If you own a top-end, full size caravan, your choice is often driven by the necessity of having the luxury of an internal bathroom, something better than a BBQ evening meal and somewhere comfortable to sprawl and watch the 40in LED TV.

Big on 'climate control' camping, you're likely to baulk at anything without an air conditioner, washing machine, ducted heating, state-of-the-art lithium battery system and a filtered water tap. You also won’t compromise when it comes to the latest, fully insulated composite construction and lightweight components, which all add to the cost but what price for comfort and convenience?

If you’ve bought one of these jam-packed vans you’ll likely live in a house in a trendy coastal suburb, with furniture from a King rather than Amart store, and your preferred night out is at the just-opened warehouse turned overpriced bistro.

What your 'don't leave home without it' caravan says about you? I'd rather the occasional sway on the highway and extra fuel costs of towing an apartment on wheels than having to use the caravan park's public washing and cooking facilities.

Supersized fifth wheeler

If you own a larger-than-life, American-style fifth-wheel caravan, or ‘fifth wheeler’ as they’re fondly referred as, you may be a former truck driver and don’t mind being a little anti-social, as you’ll probably be guided to the back paddock at most caravan parks because of your rig size.

What your supersized fifth wheeler says about you? Climate change or not, no-one is getting in my way if I want to do a lap of Oz in a gas-guzzling F-truck!

Zero set-up motorhome

Motorhome owners tend to be of an older generation who are in no particular hurry to get anywhere, and feel no shame in taking up multiple places outside the shops or supermarket in wayside towns, as they are too ‘tall’ for regular car parks.

Most motorhome travellers stop at wayside parking places to eat cold cut sandwiches and sometimes bake cakes or roast dinners once at their destined budget caravan park or free 48-hour rest stop, where they typically will stay for a long, rather than a short time.

What your zero set-up motorhome says about you? With no need to clock on at work anymore, I'm in no rush as I hold up long lines of holiday traffic doing a leisurely 80km/h on the highway!

What about your tow vehicle?

Your choice of tow vehicle is usually driven by necessity when you’re young but as you get older, wealthier and want to travel, your choice is dictated by the size of your family, where you want to go and, in many cases, what you want to tow.

An older 4WD ahead of a camper trailer suggests you’re not a tourist park type. You’re more likely to swim outside the flags, fillet and fry the fish you’ve caught on a beach and set up camp by head torch before working your way through a slab or cheap New Zealand Sav Blanc around the campfire with your mates.

At the top end, you rarely see anything more expensive than a Toyota LandCruiser, as employing your Range-Rover for towing suggests you can’t afford a ‘spare’ Toyota.

Bsides, you’ll look like a fish out of water with a Porsche Cayenne in a caravan park because, while very capable of towing, they really don’t fit into these urbane environments and their resale values drop like a stone if their history reveals that they once ‘slummed’ it…