Her way, or no way

COMMENT

OK, ok. Pull the pins from my effigy doll and withdraw the daggers.  I know the headline is socially incorrect. But it’s true.

When it comes to heterosexual caravanning couples, while it's often the men that instigate the ‘caravanning’ conversation, inevitably, it's the women  that finish it.

You'll see this playing out at the annual Melbourne Leisurefest from October 4-7 at Sandown Raceway. When it comes to couples, all you’ll see of the men in many cases is their ripple soles as they check out the chassis and suspension, while their female partners march in and out with deal-breaking comments like ‘No bench space’, 'Microwave too high’, 'Fridge too small' or ‘I could never live with that design/decor’.

I’m very familiar with all this, as while I chose the make and model of our latest caravan, my wife had the final say on the interior. I can still hear her words ringing in my ears: “One million stars was fine when we were camping, but now I want only five!”

Caravan salespeople know this from experience, which is why so many run designs past their partners or employ colour consultants. With so much choice, winning hearts is now more important than winning minds.

Just look at the features that are now standard on modern caravans that barely existed a decade ago. And it's women who have largely driven the change.

Even at entry level pricing you now expect to find a microwave oven, a three or four-burner cooktop, maybe an oven, a built in fridge/freezer, air conditioning, an exterior awning, hot/cold mixer taps, a built-in bathroom and, increasingly, a washing machine.

Now, I’ll stand corrected, but few of these items would be on the average male caravanner’s must-have list. Many would be satisfied with a camper trailer, nature’s outdoor toilet, maybe an external shower, a portable fridge and a small gas canister stove.

The truth is, they're there to entice their partners to share their passion for the great outdoors and even if some are never used, they'll help the van sell easily to the next owner.

One of the reasons why many caravan manufacturers listen to prospective female buyers is simple; they're so busy building new caravans that they rarely have time to holiday in their own and hence they don’t get ‘living with’ feedback on the things that drive people mad.

Some of these gripes include a lack of power points and USB outlets; difficult to access cupboards and fridges that require crouching or kneeling to find items; bright LED lights that burn through your eyelids to keep you awake at night; noisy fridges; steps to fall down when you go for an early hours ‘wee’; sharp drawer or cupboard ends you hit your head on; tight seating space above wheelboxes; lack of mirrors and soap holders; no space for toilet or make-up bags; doors, hatches and cupboards that all require separate keys; etc, etc.

Women intuitively take many of these things in with a glance or a quick walk-through, while their male partners arrive glossy-eyed and bubbling about the composite walls, roof-mounted solar panels and stone protection.

Decor is also a turn-off for many women (as well as fussy blokes!), who see the caravan as an extension of their home environment and other travellers you meet will judge them accordingly.

My wife chose our decor, but she complains I’m always in ‘her space’. It’s hard not to be in a 15ft 6in x 7ft off-road caravan that I specifically wanted to be compact, where the demarcation between bedroom, kitchen and lounge room is understandably blurred. Unless I can levitate, preferably outside, I’m ‘in the kitchen again!’.

I recall a friend retiring from his corporate job and coming back to work for a catch-up lunch some months later.

He complained that his wife was giving him a hard time after his helpful comments about her TV shows, the way she organised her kitchen and her shopping habits.

Her conversation apparently went along the lines of: “I married you for better or worse, but that didn’t include 24/7!”

I fear friends of ours who are about to embark on their first long-term caravan trip may encounter the same problem, despite their choice of a large Jayco van with a slide-out bedroom.

Living together in a large home after many years of going separate ways each morning is hard enough, but a travelling ‘shoebox’ requires a special approach to a relationship.

The other thing with retired couples is that the caravan effectively becomes a travelling ‘men’s shed’ – something to be fiddled with and modified at every opportunity. With some exceptions, women are less interested in this aspect.

So this opens up the next conversation: "Where are we going?”:

Hands up all the women who said :”Somewhere really remote, dusty and dirty, with restrictions on water use and half the facilities I had back at home?”

On the other hand, that sounds like a perfect holiday to me.

The reality is that many women would prefer the comfort of a powered site at a good caravan park, with regular trips to local restaurants to give a break from cooking.

So, before you buy a new caravan, you both need to agree on a set of priorities and then purchase accordingly. Your decor does not need to replicate your home, but should be something you both agree on.

You really need to do a trial trip of (say) a week and discuss all the things that annoyed you or don't work when you return.

Happy travels!